The Scheme of Things
by LokiWaterDraca
Summary: A side ficlet to Gold And Silver, The twins and Silvia decide to play a little joke on 'Hide but the jokes on them... now just funny little oneshots
1. Chapter 1

Well we had to do a funny story for a library thing and I wrote this… It's a bit of a scrap from my other story Gold And Silver, I might add on to this with another scrap or something if anybody asks or if I get bored.

If you have something you want any of the mechs to experience (Like Halloween which I'm already doing/planning) or if you have a little scrap bunny that needs a home just lemme know.

Also I'm rating this as PG but the rating may go up, there will be warnings when it does, If you think I need to change the rating just drop me a note and I will.

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"Oh this is gonna be _so_ great!"

"Shut up Sunstreaker! Your goin' ta' get us caught!" Silvia snapped, she peered around the corner looking for anybody. "So who's our target?"

Sideswipe giggled, "Tough 'ol Ironhide." He followed the humans lead and looked around the hall way for the weapons specialist. "Some ones coming!" The three trouble makers jumped back gripping individual strings.

"Cowabunga!"

"Banzi!"

"Kamikaze!"

Instantly a mechs cry of surprise followed their yells. High fiving the twins picked up their human companion and jumped into view, only to freeze in terror.

Instead of Ironhide, Optimus Prime leader of the autobots stood there covered in hot pink, yellow, and blue sparkly blue paint. He scowled, "You three are in big trouble……."

"RUN AWAY!!!" They screamed, the two mechs transformed and just barely gave Silvia enough time to jump into 'Sides front seat before taking off.

Optimus tore after them when Sideswipe, screamed "Put on my tomb stone I regret nothing!!" The human femme in front kicked his dash, "Bury me with my manga collection and tell Tabina I'm sorrrriiiiiii." She turned to look in the rear view mirror, "Go faster he's gaining on us!!"

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Meanwhile….

"Nice one 'Hide," Goldwing said, he looked at the camera screens that showed the car chase. "Them youngsters need a lesson! Always messin' with me an' Ratch…"

Crystal who was laughing hard enough to literally bust a gut choked out a request for a copy of the tapes, even as the twins roared past followed by a very ticked off semi-truck.

"I guess this'll teach her not to make kissy noises when me and Goldie go on dates," Silverbolt said laughing hard enough to fall over almost squashing the humans nearby.

Finally calming enough to talk coherently Crystal shook her head, "No if anything she'll get worse."

Goldwing sighed, "Think we should rescue them?"

"No why would we do that? The cameras still have plenty of film; let's wait 'till Optimus catches them."

"Good idea!!"

"Hey guys you think Ratchet will want a copy of this?"

"I bet 'ol Doc Hatchet would give up high grade for a year for it."

"Prowl too?"

Ironhide rolled his optics, "He would give a _limb_ for a copy."

Grinning evilly Crystal clicked the copy button on the computer connected to the cameras, "I think Sis, Sunny, and Sides are going to hate us for a _loooooooong_ while." She giggled, dissolving into more laughter.

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R&R please


	2. Chapter 2

I know I said I was going to finish/work on more of the whole twins and Silvia getting chased by OP but this kinda popped into my mind. Its extremely stupid and pointless (shrugs) but I hope some one will get some fun out of it…

Disclaimer: don't own, don't wanna get sued

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"Touch me and I'll rip your arm off," Silvia growled, not even bothering to turn around and speak directly at Ratchets hologram, who had reached a hand out to grab her shoulder. Surprise hit the medic like a hammer, of course the small femme had threatened him and others before but those weren't so… _evil_ and truly harmful sounding. "My sensors indicate that your core temperature is high than normal, and you are leaking flui–"

"I'm _fine_ Ratchet; it is only my monthly trip to hell." She took a sip of the bottle near her feet and turned to look at him, "In your words it would me my menstrual cycle and now that, that very embarrassing fact is out are you going to relax and quite staring at me as if I'm a wounded animal?"

"You seem… agitated and… for lack of a better term bitchy… is this normal?" He couldn't think of what to say, it just wasn't normal for Silvia to admit she was in pain or having a problem. "Yes its normal and in fact I am being pretty damn calm… but lets just say if any mech says something smart to me they aren't going to like it."

Ratchet went through the internet before speaking, "Do you require and medication? Did you take anything?"

The femme shook her head, "No and no I don't take meds unless I'm in really bad pain or really sick and this doesn't constitute either or."

With an irritated huff Ratchet rolled his optics, "Why not? If you're in any pain or at all sick you need to take care of yourself! I refuse to let you die on my watch!!" His hologram wrapped its arms around her while his mech form fished a bottle from one of the many compartments in his leg, "I am not going to die, Ratchet please you do _not_ want to mess with me right now…"

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Ratchet was pleased with himself as he walked back into his med bay, Silvia had put up a fight that many mechs he knew would be proud of but in the end… she was gone. "PIT FRAGGED YOUNGLING WHERE ARE YOU!?!?" She had escaped his binds and disappeared out of his bay! Scowling he stalked out and began his search, ending up at Goldwings quarters.

"Have you seen your pit created human lately? She's refused to stay in my med bay while she's on her… period." He stared for a few seconds before speaking, "Which one?" The medic scowled, "Silvia."

"Oh yeah she was here awhile ago… she seemed ticked and I didn't exactly want to come out of recharge to find I'd been turned into a metal sculpture so I left her alone… especially after she told me it was her 'period' Crystals having hers too…"

With a curt nod Ratchet turned and stalked away, he wondered for awhile looking for the human femmes. The mech wasn't happy that he hadn't been informed of this time of weakness in two of his patient's lives. A loud clang brought him to one of the main halls, to find both Prowl and Hound hiding behind one of the walls.

"What are you doing?"

"Crystal and Silvia are… scary." Hound almost yelled, "They were ready to rip me to pieces!" Ratchet raised an eye ridge and sighed, "What did they do?"

"They gave fireworks and highly flammable chemicals to _Wheeljack_ and told him they needed some relaxation… I fail to see the logic but–" Prowl was cut off by the sound of two mechs running down the hall, the twins. "What ever you do, don't piss the girls off! They left 'Jack and went to go for a walk and for some reason they are wanting to fight!" Sideswipe yelled, with a sigh Ratchet shook his head and turned back towards his med-bay, he need to get some more powerful sedatives… and some high grade, the stronger the better.

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R&R


	3. Chapter 3

Well I've been havin' comp troubles were my computer basically erased the entire chappy of G&S ch7 otherwise it would've been up a week ago, and my little diseased brain came up with this during science so… well here ya' go, and now I gotta go re-type more of G&S… evil computer!!!!!

OPs POV

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I was surprised to see Simmons again such a short time after our meeting and even more surprised that he dare try to mess with our newest human children friends…

"Oh so the MIB wannabe wants to have us… register? For what? Go to hell bitch." Crystal snapped, she wasn't in a very good mood and defiantly not ready to cooperate with any one. "No, no sis he ain't anywhere close to a MIB guy he don't got the hot shades or smexy Will Smith as a partner." Silvia sat next to her and grinned, she too wasn't willing to cooperate, though… she just hated cops and any other faction of her government.

"Oh great more delinquent children…" I frowned at that, but let the girls defend themselves; they'd lived through Ratchets tirades so their fellow human wouldn't be much of a problem, right?

"Says the one with awesome taste in undies, 'Bee told us 'bout that, did you enjoy gettin' pissed on dude?" The human snarled wordlessly at Silvias taunting while I struggled not to laugh, "You little girl are going to be in big trouble if you don't–"

"If I don't what? Frag off dude before you find something in your bed that wasn't there before… fuckin' call me a little girl… bastard." Oh yeah, she definitely _wasn't_ happy… "So wheres the MIB wannabe head quarters?" There was the MIB thing again; it made me wonder what the heck MIB was. It was easy to find out all I had to do was Google it… and I instantly smiled under my battle mask.

MIB, Men In Black, was a movie about aliens and the humans that kept them secret on earth… and the girls were teasing Simmons about how he was trying to be like the men from the movie. I made a note to request it for one of out movie nights, we had taken to watching the films in order to understand humans better and it was working, well at least for me. Now I knew why Sam was so for lack of a better term twitchy. Anyone who watched as much sci-fi as he did would be.

Looking up I noticed that Crystal was laughing, and Silvia was… holding a dangerously poisonous snake. Or rather what she was calling a poisonous snake to scare her fellow human, "The coral snake, a type of viper and one of the deadliest snakes around, aint' he cute?"

"Oh yes very cute now… keep it away from me!" Simmons yelled, backing up. Silvia grinned evilly at him and stepped closer, the snake was in fact a king snake whom she hadn't named yet. When Simmons looked ready to draw his gun she lifted her hand and kissed and creature, right on its scaled lips.

I almost laughed, and had a hard time controlling myself not to, I'd seen her kiss her animals before, all of them except the tarantula. Had the colorful snake really been poisonous, Silvia would be asking for death but since it wasn't… well Simmons didn't know and his shriek of fear will forever be imbedded in my memory banks.

"You're insane! Were the hell did you get a coral snake anyway?!"

"A friend of mine is a anti-venom maker and his had hatchlings so I got one of the older snakes." Well that was part of the truth… in fact she had gotten it from a friend whose parents had found out and made him get rid of it, I actually thought it was kind of cute… in a strange reptilian way, but I wasn't going to tell anyone though, they'd say I was hanging out with the humans too much.

A chuckle escaped me when Simmons gave up and left, being chased out by the sisters, giggling they turned to me, "Couldn't resist huh?" Crystal asked, happily.

"No I couldn't," I said leaning back in my chair. "Hey Optimus is it ok if we… ya' know? Prank him? I really don' like that guy…"

"Silvia don't hurt him now… I may not like the guy but we don't hurt humans, and… just nothing too violent ok?" Hey I couldn't help it, I didn't really like the human, he was just too… uppity… and abusive of power. "O' course sir! Nothing violent! How 'bout I make him become a paranoid nut like Prowl? I've been wanting to try a trick I got from a Goosebumps book for awhile now."

"Goosebumps?"

"Yeah! I can make it seem like worms are stalking him!! It was a awesome trick in the book!"

Before I could help myself I laughed at the images that it brought up, "Well… I won't stop you I guess… but remember nothing too horrific; I don't want to have to order you two to the brig."

"Hell yeah! Cowabunga!" Still laughing I felt my spark soar, it was nice to see that the kids could take care of themselves against fellow humans… and it was a plus that they were on our side; I could only imagine what chaos they would cause on the 'con side…

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R&R please


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